(Mis)taken love

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Zakiya Jackson

Zakiya Jackson

Zakiya is a lover of words—and creatively uses them by entertaining and compelling her friends and family or even strangers.Like a salmon swimming upstream, Zakiya recently returned to Washington D.C where she works in advocacy and development.Zakiya places high value on faith, racial , , Anthony and laughter.Fancy, woke and southern, she’s generally passionate about being alive.She prefers singing in the keys of E or D or whatever second sopranos sing. Message tees & Bryan Stevenson are everything.
Zakiya Jackson

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*For those who have also made mistakes in the past…(and maybe you still are)…we gon be alright. 

I think I made a mistake when I decided to love you.

It was a choice but it didn’t feel like it.  I could have ran away from you, far far away.

I don’t know how to do anything half way –

Because when I do, I die inside a little but

It feels like banging a nail into my own foot

Half a$$ing

So I…I knew that I either decided to love you or I just leave you alone entirely

And I think I made a mistake.

I mean

You haven’t broken me or anything.

You just didn’t choose to love me back

You are not drinking from the same waters of unrequited love as me.

So I feel naked around you.

Often.

And I think I made a mistake

Cause I can’t be naked around someone who isn’t naked with me too…ya know?

That’s weird.  That makes me an exhibitor instead of a participant

And if I did make a mistake when I decided to love you

All the more mistaken was I when I feel in love with you

I’m not sure when that happened

I think somewhere around between love at first sight and love at second sight

Crazy right?

Cause I don’t even believe in love at first sight.

Like at all

But then

Then there was you.

And now there is me

I’m not ashamed that I decided to love you

I don’t think it was stupid

Maybe I just picked the wrong door.

I took a risk and maybe I just don’t win this time

This is what making a mistake and not having regrets feels like, at the same time.

Yeah, I think I made a mistake when I decided to love you.

But at the same time I am thankful.

Because you’ve been my gateway back to humanity

And away from assholes

You’ve been my reminder that I can be moved

That not everyone bores me

That I can be deeply stirred and be deeply stirring (even though you wouldn’t admit it ;-)…I don’t think)

You reminded me that another person could make me incandescently happy

Because even your voicemails make me blush

Just the sound of your voice

And I didn’t believe that was real

Not anymore

I hate to think my love for you, towards you, on you was wasted

Which is tempting because you aren’t drinking it all in

But even so. Even with just a glimmer, I suspect I leave a little something with you.

I think I made a mistake when I chose to love you

But choosing love is probably the only way I’ll come into it for myself

Being liberated in it is the better way

Even if it’s not returned

I’ll keep living that way

As much as I can

I really wish I could learn these things another way lol

But I am glad that I am still alive

And that I can still love and be loved

I’m glad that there’s a boy who can make me laugh like a girl

That there’s a man who can take my breathe away and make me light headed

And I’m glad you’re not the only one

Because you aren’t choosing to love me

Not that I can tell

And another one will

So even though I think I made a mistake when I chose to love you

I’m glad I did

All the best

And even some love, still.