Raise your hand if you saw the movie that can cause you to consider all the things…for days and weeks…Thanks for all the feels Jordan Peele, lol. #GetOut Here’s some of my post-viewing thoughts.
So I have an actual real life white friend name Beckie. I love her. We have known each other over 10 years. I explained to her once a couple years ago that to me and my folks – “Becky” just simply means “White woman”. No matter what Urban Dictionary says. Kinda like “Average Joe” just means “regular guy.”
My friend Beckie is thoughtful. Inclusive. Married to a white man. Grew up in a white family. A learner. Smart. I’ve observed her try to decenter herself in conversations about race and be sensitive to the posture of people of color in a variety of spaces. She reads a lot. She recently came to visit me in DC and we had a good time catching up and talking about life and politics and humanity, pre-prohibition happy hour style.
Beckie seems to admire and appreciate Black women. I guess I’ve never asked her that directly. I’m saying this based on her disposition and actions. Beckie also seems to know that there are a lot of things she still has to learn and get about race and culture. She doesn’t believe it’s impossible for her to be racist just because she has Black friends and Latino friends and Arab friends.
I don’t ever get the sense that she’s trying to be Black. Or prove that she’s down.
Beckie is alright y’all.
Terrorist – unlawfully using violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.
Politics – the activities associated with the governance of a country or other area, especially the debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power.
Darth Becky wants to feel powerful. By any means necessary.
Darth Becky is everywhere. Darth Becky hates Black women at her core, as she also hates herself. She hates me because I have things she does not. She thinks these things will make her feel powerful, desirable, important. Darth Becky wants the things I have access to as a Black Woman.
Darth Becky wants my curves, even if she has some of her own. Because it’s not just about my curves. It’s also about how I wear my curves as a Black Woman.
Darth Becky wants my hair. The variety. The texture. The robustness. My hair is “exotic” and Darth Becky wants to be exotic.
Darth Becky wants my light. My warmth. My carefree black girlness. This one is especially hard to imitate and Darth Becky will go through great lengths to replicate the effervescence that comes from knowing oppression and being liberated anyways.
Darth Becky wants my man. Always. Not because she truly loves and cares about my beautiful black men. My daddy. My son. My uncle. My lover. She wants to own him the way her ancestors owned my ancestors. Because she wants to prove that she is attractive enough for the BBD. Because she wants to feel like she won something.
Sometimes Darth Becky is diabolical and she knows it and we Black Women know it but nobody else knows it. Sometimes Darth Becky isn’t evil – but is still powerfully dangerous.
Darth Becky doesn’t feel special. She can’t articulate it. But privilege doesn’t make her feel special. Whiteness doesn’t make her feel special. It’s not enough. She’s onto something there. Deep down she knows that whiteness is an invention. That basing your identity on NOT being something (black) doesn’t work. Darth Becky wants to be somebody. Darth Becky has observed people steal things from Black people for years, without consequence. Since Black women have the things she wants, she will just steal those things from Black women.
But every time Darth Becky steals from us, it doesn’t last. It doesn’t fill her up the way it’s supposed to. The only one who can embody being a Black woman is a Black woman. When you take my light it dies.
Examples of Darth Becky, in no particular order:
Rose from Get Out.
She who won’t be named but continues to insist that she is Black even though her momma n’ them gave receipts for her verifiable, albeit socially constructed, whiteness.
The white secretary (insert any other position of high influence but lower power status) who is sweet as pie to Black men but can’t stand the Black women in her office. And doesn’t even realize she can’t stand them. The exception is that sometimes she is okay with Black women who are in the sunken place.
The momma on This Is Us. She is manipulative as all get out. She does not deserve Randall and she knows it. She has fought being noticed as white his whole life. Her daughter, however, is not Darth.
The white feminist who will organize all day for other white women but can’t be bothered for women of color. She would but she’s too busy proving what a good feminist she is…
The white liberal woman who has had a spiritual awakening about the importance of race and justice and consumes all things Black in her attempt to become woke – yet ignores what Black women are telling her about what we need from white women as they pursue justice. She might be the Darth Becky that attends events at Black community centers with her Black boyfriend and sits in the front with a Black Lives Matter t-shirt and writes think pieces about how much Beyonce means to her. She’s emotionally a 4 year old shouting “Look at me! I’m important! Please love me! Please want me! Please know me!”
Can white Women participate in Black Cultural events and movements without being Darth? Can they love black music? Can they love black babies? Black men…duh. Don’t be basic and get side tracked by these questions.
Darth Becky isn’t just a “well meaning but misguided white woman”.
Darth Becky is a consumer of Blackness. Any contributions she makes to the black community are rendered void because of the objectification her consumerism is embedded in.
She doesn’t see me when she looks at me.
Darth Becky sees something that can supply what she wants or needs:
Even when she is “nice.” Even when she has black friends. Even when she wishes Obama had run for a third term.
(As an aside, Darth Becky is why Obama had to wear mom jeans during his terms. Now it doesn’t matter how many women he makes thirsty. White men are sad inside when women all “extra” over Black men and Darth Becky knows how to manipulate that. And Mrs. Obama is definitely being shady with her beautiful unbothered “stunt on me if you want to but what I got is on lock” smiles, cadence and waves. You can’t steal that light.)
Darth Becky is everywhere.
We need more humble white woman on a journey to freedom that is bumpy and hard and real. White women who make mistakes and acknowledge their own humanity, enabling them to see the humanity in others. White women who make mistakes and know it and go about making it right. The kind of women my friend Beckie tries to be. Regular Joe Beckys with unusual courage and countenance…I wish there were more of these Beckys standing up to Darth Becky.
We all need to stand up to the Darth Beckys in our lives.
It’s not easy. Darth Becky is highly manipulative. Skilled with tears, benefits, teas and tonics and hypnotic ways. And even if she doesn’t have money or status, she has influence. At minimum, she influences those white men at the tables making all the decisions about most of our lives.
And with pain I say that she also influences our beloved Black Men. The ones we are often ride or die for. She deceives them and it hurts us to see it. And we are attacked for calling her out. Because Darth Becky has the benefit of white innocence. While we Black women have the burden of presumed guilt.
Am I mad? I see how my people are hurting. I see Black Women left high and dry because we can’t soothe the turmoil of Darth Becky, even when we unwittingly try. I see Black Men objectified and left in pieces. I attempt to gather him while he might still be attached to whiteness. I hold biracial babies confused about who they are cause Darth Becky momma was too insecure to let them explore their Blackness. I reach my hand out to fellow Black people trying to come out of the sunken place. I cry when I can’t reach them because I understand the fear, the pain, the danger of captivity.
I am a mad Black woman and there is nothing petty about my anger. Anger is a sign of life. When a Black woman stops being angry about injustice, weep for her because something has died inside her. Something has been removed. Try to help us heal and come back.
So…don’t get it twisted. There is hell to pay for standing up to Darth Becky. Black Women do it. We got the bruises to show for it. Some of us are only shells of ourselves. Try to help us heal and come back.
Darth Becky is always and only her for herself. Even if you are another Becky, you’ll go down in flames too if she gets too much power. Deep down Darth Becky is miserable AF and looking for her company.
Nah. Let’s all get free ya’ll. Resist.
In the meantime, strengthen that third eye so you can spot her. Hold her accountable. Demand receipts. Force her to heal or #getout. Don’t feel sorry for her and let her do whatever. Protect yourselves and each other. She is not more innocent than the rest of us. She’s just good at convincing folks that she is.
Resist Darth Becky and choose life.
And hug a Black woman today y’all. (But don’t be creepy about it.) Thank her for just existing. Give her a random, thoughtful present. We outchea and you need us.