Latest posts by N. Young (see all)
- Normalization is Letting the Anger Fade - 2017/01/18
- What to Do When You Fail as an Ally - 2016/06/28
- Actual Progress is Complicated…And We Need to Be Ok With That - 2016/04/21
Men love talking about their penises. This is what a group of my friends and I concluded a few nights ago. They are obsessed with their penises; how big they are, how hard they are, and of course, all the things they are going to do to you with them.
As my women friends and I marveled at how much music is made to laude and immortalize men’s penises (see almost anything written by Lil’ Wayne or Kanye), we really were at a loss to find a female equivalent. First, there was the trouble of what to call our parts. Were people ok with boobs, titties, breasts? And how about the vagina (we all agreed that to be a pretty unsexy word)? How about cunt, pussy, twat, punany? Which words resonated the most and offended the least?
We were not unanimous on any one term. But what we were all very clear on was the dearth of metaphors, similes, and general braggadocio surrounding female genitalia. And we’re not talking about the generic “My body’s banging” from the 90s girl power rappers like Salt n’ Peppa or TLC. We’re talking about something that could go head to proverbial head with the outrageous claims made by dick enthusiasts throughout the ages (check out Act 1, Scene 1 of Romeo and Juliet if you have any misconceptions that this is a new phenomenon).
How do we compete? Even one of the definitions of the word “braggadocio” is cocky, which is itself a reference either to a penis or a male chicken. But what about us? What exists for the ladies? Sure, Nicki Minaj is proud and brazen about her sex appeal as were Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim in their heydays. Janelle Monae recently and fantastically sang, “Get off my areola.” Other than that, I don’t hear many people coming up with clever, unabashedly crude, and unapologetically proud metaphors for boobs or vaginas.
I asked my friends what would happen if we thought like rappers, street poets, etc using the prompt “Boobs like…” and filled in the blank? And what if we didn’t just stick to boobs, what about proud vagina analogies? I got some great responses. Below are a few silly, raunchy, and life-giving ones:
- “Boobs like bombs”
- “Boobs like cannonballs”
- “Vagina like the Ritz, too expensive for yo taste”
- “Vagina like scotch, Johnny Walker Black Label oh so smooth, too strong, too rich. Suck it back nice and slow”
- “Pussy like a magnet, always attracting dick”
- “Boobs like hot air balloons…rising to the top”
- “Boobs like food banks (or groceries), feeding the world”
- “Pussy like the Taj Mahal, 8th wonder of the world, got you looking in awe”
- “George Bush was looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction in 2006. Well I have 2 WMDs and no bush to keep men all in the mix!”
- “Boobs like mountains, it’s a race to the top”
- “Boobs like Rolls-Royces, smooth and classy”
- “Vagina like fresh Krispy Kremes”
- “Pussy like Pringles, once you pop, the fun don’t stop”
- “Vagina like warm cookies, ooey goey moist and tender, always wanting more”
- “Boobs so nice, you had to feel them twice”
- “Boobs so soft, you thought they were your pillow”